Threads of a Noose

TRIGGER WARNING: Talks about teen suicide

If a picture speaks a thousand words,

Then, a million spoke the one I held.

Through shattered glass in battered frame,

Crystal to me, to others misspelled.

‘Mom!’, you say in exasperation,

For the hundredth time I compelled.

 

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Perhaps, I was too hard, suffocating,

Like all fathers but father no more…

But I thought I was giving you space,

To grow, find your feet, to soar.

I should have been there for you,

Should have knocked down that door.

 

—————————————

 

My face ashen, 

my fingers blue,

My knees are jelly,

I held onto you.

But they say, you’re no more,

Tell it ain’t true.

 

—————————————

 

Gather them, minutes slipped by,

Herd them to slaughter,

To where I am headed too.

Perhaps, I’ll go before, or after.

Details, perilous details, 

Not too long, no matter.

 

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Most people believe that children are not suicidal or get depressed. The above poem is inspired by the documentary, “Boy Interrupted” which solemnly captures the facts contrary to this belief. Here is the short description,

Evan Scott Perry received a diagnosis of bipolar disorder when he was a preteen, and in 2005, committed suicide at the age of 15. There was a family history of mental illness; his Uncle Scott had killed himself at 22 in 1971. Evan had first exhibited suicidal tendencies when he was only 5. Directed by his mother, filmmaker Dana Heinz Perry, the film traces Evan’s growing mental illness, including videotapes made throughout his short life and interviews with his friends and doctors.

The documentary captures the raw emotion that each of the family members went through. The inevitability of Evan’s suicide is apparent, yet we find ourselves rooting for him, just as his friends and family set their belief in his recovery. 

At one point, even the doctor is amazed at how Evan had built up the facade of sanity that concealed his ulterior motive of taking his life. This is an important example of how teens today have high functioning depression and often hide or even lie to close ones in the belief that they wouldn’t understand. 

Towards the end, it is impossible not to tear up along with Nicholas, Evan’s half-brother, who laments on not having had the chance to talk Evan out of attempting suicide. ‘It gets better’. That’s the truth. That’s all Nicholas wanted to say.  

The movie, a little over an hour and a half is a must watch and is available on YouTube. 

 

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