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For a Friend

What goes through people when they decide to take their own lives ? I would never know….. I have never been there. I would never want to either. But I know something else. Grief. Grief of losing someone you cared about. Grief of losing someone you wish you knew better. Grief of losing someone you wish you had spoken with one last time before there was no more time left. Grief of losing the joyful soul of a friend untimely to the perilous hands of death. Death by suicide.

Gourab was a jolly young man. I remember my initial impression of him as the guy on whom was attached the stigma of having an year back in school. However, I would want him to be remembered for anything but that now. He not only overturned his educational problems by working hard during the time I knew him, but also always did it with a smile. A smile which made me happy. Made probably everyone he knew happy. Little did we know the happiness was hiding something far more painful than anything we could even fathom. Gourab wasn’t the first friend I had lost in my school life. I had lost another friend named Soumyadeep to leukaemia. However, this was different. And far more painful. I do not know if any philosopher has made any analogy to link age with emotional distress and pain; however, I know it for a fact that an analogy is not too far off. Or it was just the fact that Gourab’s suicide was out of the blue. Shock has that lingering memory which claws at you, asking you how things could be different. Was I close to him ? I do not know about others, but from where I am from, you do not study in a class for two of the toughest of your adolescent years and not be close. From analysing our favorite club Manchester United together to the time spent playing football after school, from playing hand cricket all through boring Chemistry hours to meeting up and discussing movies at uninteresting tuitions, he had been a quintessential friend during those years. Moving to SRM did bring a heavy toll on my social life with my friends back in Kolkata, for in trying to settle in within a culture shock and catching upto engineering I had been guilty of ignoring the people I loved the most. And that included Gourab. Two years of studying engineering passed by in a breeze, I settled down in my new life and with new friends, till a friend called me up on that fateful day to tell me Gourab had committed suicide. I would be lying if I say I ever expected something remotely similar to happen. I didn’t really know what to do. I was not shocked, not sad…..I felt nothing. I attended class as usual. Went about my day….till it was lunch break and a friend expressed gratitude for me sharing my food with him. That is when it hit me. The abyss of having lost a friend. The feelings reverberated in me till I could hold it no more. I cried. Long and hard. I didn’t know why, or what even really brought this, I just did. Gourab’s death brought me sadness. Sadness which passed but for moments of passing grief on specific days of the year. His death brought me misery which accompanies the shocking misery associated with losing loved ones. Even that passed. What didn’t pass was regret. Suicide is not accidental or biological, it is the result of constant crippling psychological trauma. And I could have been a better friend, maybe even tried to find out if everything was okay. All those busy school fests, I could have taken an evening out to call a dear friend and ask him if he was doing fine. Catch up on our shared anger at Moyes’s mishandling of ManUtd. Tell him how engineering is sapping the life out of both of us. Tell him, “Chill, It’s a burden we both are sharing, and it’s a burden we can split between us”. Explain to him by telling that ” Don’t go friend, this world is tough, and one less friend is one less shoulder to cry on when the going gets tough.” Maybe even offer my shoulder for him to vent his grief out on. Like a brother. But why would I ? Gourab was always happy, and psychological stress is hardly a problem. Till this world’s refusal to see a problem for what it is was too late, my blindness to a friend’s misery was perpetrated to an extent where it didn’t see through a facade. And when the facade fell, so did a dear friend.

Gourab is no mere friend, brother, son lost to suicide. He is one of many martyrs, who have cleared the clout in our minds surrounding mental stress and psychological illness. I will never commit suicide, and I ensure I checkup on everyone I love, telling them that they are loved, ensuring that they know they have some place to go to in order to vent, not lose it all in inevitable death. Suicide is as real a threat as HIV or Zika, but my friend taught me it can be fought……together. I loved him like a brother, and wish his soul peace. More importantly, I wish him gratitude. He left me a life where I knew that nothing could be more important that people close to you, and they could have demons like you, but far more terrifying. I will be there for them. I am sorry I couldn’t be there once. That is my demon, and I am fighting it. This is not an eulogy, it is a letter acknowledging something I have never done. Dear friend, thank you for being there, thank you in life and in death, and thank you for leaving me with a wonderful touch of perspective. And know, I miss knowing that every night I go to sleep, you are safe in some part of the globe. Goodbye dear friend. I promise I will not let what you taught me in life and in death go to waste. I promise.

– Soumyajyoti Bhattacharya

Image Credits : Google Images

Recognizing the warning signs of Suicide in people & helping them

According to the WHO, on an average, one person commits suicide every 40 seconds.

Suicide is a complex phenomenon and not an illness in and of itself. Suicidal ideas and attempts are important to look for and evaluate. Unquestionably it is hard to predict who will attempt suicide but, it is possible to characterize the risk aspects keeping in mind that it is a risk and not an absolute prediction.

Some of the common predictors of suicide are persons undergoing extreme/ acute emotional distress of any cause. This could be symptoms of depression or other psychiatric disorders, there could be acute changes in interpersonal relational status, any acute loss/ change in financial status. This is the one characteristic that is most obvious to outside observers who could be friends, family or well wishers of the individual. This is a time when all those who care for the person suffering could express their support by “Just being there”.

Hopelessness as a thought characteristic is significantly associated with suicide. This is basically a sense of there being no future for the person. This could occur in the context of again life stresses such as a breakup, financial losses. Persons experiencing hopelessness may appear listless, not interested in looking towards the future – even towards the immediate future – not wanting to go out, dejected and saying as much.

Substance abuse whether alcohol or other drugs especially increases the risk of suicide in individuals. It has the ability to impair a persons world view and make things appear more bleak than they are.

There are other risk factors that are associated with suicide attempts including a prior history of suicide attempts or self injurious behaviors, family history of suicide, exposure to suicide in a family member or significant person, and exposure to physical or sexual abuse. These factors may increase the possibility that the person experiencing distress currently is at a higher risk of harming self.

So, what can any other person do to help their loved one?

Families and friends are scared of hearing the word suicidal in the context of their loved ones. Rather than jumping to conclusion that they need to be taken to a psychiatrist/ counsellor, the easiest thing that can be done is to be there for the person in distress. This would involve just being present, letting them know that you are there to help if they need and most importantly there is someone if they want to talk.

The sense of having someone nearby who cares for them has a significantly soothing effect on individuals.

A patient, non-judgmental hearing of the persons woes before asking the question “How can I help?” will also go a long way in helping persons put their current problems in perspective. This would enable them making better choices in the form of not harming themselves. Finally before closing, it would be helpful to finish with a sense of hope in the form of saying something like “If there are problems, then there must be solutions and we can find them together”.

-Dr. Shiva Prakash

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Note from the LonePack Team:

People who’re going through a tough time find it difficult to ask for help. It could be anyone from our silent classmate, to the girl we sit next to on the bus.

Can we help show our peers that the world is not devoid of hope anymore?

So reach out to them, and write them a message. LonePack will publish them all on their Facebook “Wall Of Positivity” on Sept. 10th, which marks World Suicide Prevention Day.
Send in your message and share to keep the chain of positivity going. Do join us in spreading some joy and showing some support to the people who need it.

https://goo.gl/forms/UgJdu3q1wdf0ayhz1

So, tell me, did you spread some positivity today?

-The LonePack Team

Image Credits: flickr.com

Take Aim

For the past few months, I’ve been predominantly in the concave downwards parabola of my life, wondering where exactly did I go wrong.

Luck, fortune, opportunity, everything seemed to slip away from me. I kept telling myself that things will be better, they did become so, but the dragon of despair soon destroyed any vestiges of my floaty happiness.

Reduced to a monotonous life of assignments and tests with rather unfair outcomes, my soul became troubled. The pressure mounted so much, all types mind you, parental, peer and college. And yet, I refused to become depressed. After the Great Depression of 2008 (more on that in a separate post), I refused to trouble my body with stress, forced myself to sleep well. In spite of that, this semester has made me push myself to the limits.

Letting my mind fight it all alone, because my pride wouldn’t let me confide further to anyone, I became a bit moody, bit more self-pitying, bit more sarcastic and a teensy bit defensive. I became addicted to Facebook and messaging and TV but wasn’t enjoying it at all. That was so because I would only relax when I couldn’t do work anymore and my mind would still be on it. Or worse, it wouldn’t be and I would go on a guilt trip.

Today, at the fag end of the semester, I received news that my previous semester grades have been reviewed and moved up.

The clouds just seemed to disappear all of a sudden, it seemed like a good omen. In retrospect, I looked extremely silly in my head. Yes, the pressures were immense but that was simply the struggle of the caterpillar. Now almost freed from class labs, I finally have time for myself, to delve into my Pensieve.

And that is exactly what I have done. Somehow, writing gives me a clarity like nothing else.

I suddenly saw the light at the end of my tunnel and I’ve decided to be the butterfly chasing the sunbeam and it has taken aim.

-Sowmya. S

Note: This post was initially published on the personal blog of the author (http://thegreatindianstoryteller.blogspot.in) and has been reproduced with permission

-Photo Credits: blogtraitim.info

Is being OCD=Perfectionist?

We all wish to be perfect and do our work well. To this aim, we utilise some skills that enable us to channelize our behaviours so that we don’t spend too much time on doing routine chores – e.g. keeping the keys, wallet, shoes etc in the same place everyday, trying to leave work the same time each day to beat the traffic and so on. These things we learn as a result of our experiences and sometimes the difficulties we face. Persons who we call perfectionists invariably have a reasonably good “error checking” system in place and thus, are able to use the above mentioned skills to their benefit. The easiest example to consider would be the character Wasabi from the movie Big Hero 6 who would quote – “a place for everything and everything in its place”.

But, just imagine a scenario where the above skills go haywire and then we have people focusing on the trivial details with an inability to stop the process of error checking. This is not based on any prior learning or a misinterpretation of prior learning taken to absurd levels. Then we have people who are unable to control their impulse to make sure that things (even trivial ones) are placed “exactly right”, doing things over and over (whether it be checking, counting, cleaning or whatever) to “just to be sure”, having illogical/ magical beliefs and so on. This would intrude on their daily functioning and would impair their ability to do the most basic things with any efficiency. This would be OCD or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Obsessions could be anything – a thought, an image, an impulse to do something.

One common feature of obsessions include the fact that at some level, the person having them identifies them as illogical, unnecessary, excessive, intrusive and distressing.

Compulsions are any behaviour(s) aimed at reducing the anxiety that is created by the obsessions. They could be things like doing things a particular way, or doing it repeatedly, or a particular number of times.

Its important to recognise that there are people who are obsessive about certain things and that makes them who they are but, this is different from people with OCD who dislike this part of themselves that prevents them from living a full and happy life.

-Dr. Shiva Prakash

STATE OF MIND: THE NEED TO UNDERSTAND YOURSELF

There has come a time in most of our lives when we have looked back and wondered “Did I really say those words?” or “Did I really behave in that manner?” Filled with remorse and regret of our actions, we vow never to repeat it again.

We follow this consciously for a few days but end up inadvertently reverting back to the usual by doing the said unusual things again. This results in a rinse-repeat cycle that has only become all too familiar to me.

Over the years, as I began to search for an end to this, it has become obvious to me that this is a rather widely suffered problem. People who you seem to ‘know’ are not really who you thought they were as they were probably in a phase where they acted and behaved different from their normal selves. And so, it leads to the question, how can this rather vague thing be defined first and then how can this be overcome? I was fortunate enough to stumble across the following sloka in Bhagavad Gita, which went “Chanchalam hi manah krishna pramathi balavad dradham I Tasyaham nigraham manye vayor iva suduskaram II “. This may be translated as “The restless nature of the mind means that it being collected in equanimity is not possible. The wavy ocean of the mind cannot be made free of waves”. In this sloka, Arjun concisely defines the problem that we have all faced – the restless, wavy and fickle nature of the human mind which refuses to stop alternating all the time between the good, the bad and the ugly.

So now that we have defined the problem itself – the unpredictability of our actions and reactions to events, if we could exhibit some sort of control over this state of mind, we could truly better our lives. The world’s second best tennis player Andy Murray is often considered slightly more naturally talented than the world’s best – Novak Djokovic. It is however, the mental strength of the Serb to execute his plans and react well when his mood sours, that sets him apart. Murray often goes into fits of rage where he ‘loses it’ and does basic things, like missing an open court winner, wrong. Remember that this is one of the greatest champions of our times and it takes immense talent and dedication to get to where he is in life. Even he is not immune to his mind wavering around. The problem may seem simple initially but even the world’s top sports psychologists offer contrasting views with respect to the solution. One school of thought is that Murray should freeze the big moments. Play with precision and calmness and take a deep breath and give it 110% in those moments. The other school of thought varies highly and state that he should treat the big moments just like any other moment. Trying to freeze it will only increase anxiety and his immensely well-tuned muscle memory of hitting the tennis ball would be disrupted. Thus, there is no one fixed way to control the wavering mind. It is a highly personal choice. It happens to every one of us be it Andy Murray or the addict down the street trying not to kill himself from regret.

From a personal stand point, while I have figured out no fixed method to end the madness, I have figured out one thing – identifying when I’m not ‘normal’. Just how does one do this? For starters, think of some of the things that you love doing most of the time – playing your guitar, talking to a particular person, watching your favourite TV series – could be anything really. If, even that thing, feels rather tedious to think about, there is one of your indicators that you aren’t in a right state of mind. Another indicator is, as cited in the Murray example, when your body can’t do things which have been trained by years and years of muscle memory, properly. That is, when your fingers don’t flow particularly well on the fret board, when you are awkwardly silent when talking o that person or when the series feels a bit too long. The first step in settling an unrest is, as obvious as it may seem, identifying that the unrest exists.

The biggest action you need to take, is ironically, inaction.

One of the most important things to do when you are not in a good state of mind is to never take definitive and drastic actions. Don’t break up a relationship, don’t sell your guitar, don’t delete the TV Series. To quote the popular band The Fray –

Having a good support system may help as well. Don’t be too bothered about letting all the steam out. If you don’t feel like talking about it to anyone, just drift away, ‘zone out’ and wait for it to pass. This not about optimism or pessimism. This is almost a fight for (mental) survival of your persona. So, naturally just endure it and wait for it to pass.

Unrest can be settled in two ways – the easy way is to lash out .but the tougher and in my opinion, the correct way, is to not react and accept whatever comes and endure it.

Normal order of things is never too far no matter how bleak things may seem.

Clique management for Dummies

Remember that scene from Kung Fu Panda where Po struggles to make friends with the Furious Five and receive reactions ranging from awkwardness to hostility? Like:

Does this seem to be relatable to you? Seem to strike a chord somewhere? Remember when you are about to express yourself on some topic amongst your friends only to receive dismissive comments, change of topic or weird silence ( especially in whatsapp groups) almost every time?(Disclaimer: I mean the seemingly mundane topics). Or you feel emotionally drained out when hanging out with them, conforming to some unspoken rules which you secretly hate but don’t disclose for fear of being judged? Or find yourself pandering to the wishes of the queen bee(in simple words, the most dominating person in the group)? Welcome to the clique phenomenon.

Due to the need to be approved, liked or to avoid being lonely, people unwittingly join such groups.

While this word seems to be lifted off from an American high school sitcom, the phenomenon exists everywhere, across all age groups. People in the age group of 12-20( in some cases, younger) are adversely affected by this, which saps their confidence and self-esteem resulting in anxiety. Due to the need to be approved, liked or to avoid being lonely, people unwittingly join such groups. Though it may be fun at first, if the person happens to have any of the qualities that intimidate the queen bee’s position, then that person becomes the target. While guy’s cliques aren’t that overt with targets, girls or mixed cliques overtly ignore them during planning, subtly criticize whatever the target does and ensure that the target isn’t really the person they once were. And unlike Po’s case where he eventually becomes a part of the Furious Five( hey, they weren’t bad people..) you can’t expect wonders to happen.

Read a brutally honest post here on how it feels to be excluded and treated like a third wheel: Story of my Life

Cliques, are especially detrimental during school and college life. When you need to be enjoying and building your career , you seem to be perennially stuck in abyss instead, not able to do the things you love. Isn’t that terrible? With increasing peer pressure, it isn’t really surprising that many adolescents and college goers suffer from crippling anxiety which can spiral into something worse, like losing your individuality.

Though it isn’t easy (or desirable) to leave a clique abruptly, especially if you have some good friends who are stuck like you, here are some steps to help you deal with cliques:

Engage yourself in some activity that you love. Join clubs and get yourself engrossed in the activities. Joining multiple clubs does involve a lot of time management. If you’re not that okay with balancing a lot of activities, especially when you have a lot of academic workload, it’s absolutely okay to restrict yourself to a couple of clubs. When you get to do something that you love, you’ll be so engrossed in it that you wouldn’t be bothered about the outing that the clique has specifically excluded you from. Also, chances are high that you’d find your best buddies in the club. When you do an activity you love with other people who also love it, isn’t that the best thing you can afford to have?
Also, if you find yourself being mocked by the members for some specific characteristic of yours, muster all the will-power you have, give them a grin and shrug your shoulders. Don’t ever change yourself. For example, when the queen bee taunts you for submitting your assignment early, chances are high that the person would’ve submitted the assignment much before you would’ve (no jokes). Repeat the grin and shrug every time, the clique will get tired of you( Disclaimer: This point is not applicable to well-meaning advice)
Learn to say ‘NO’. That’s the toughest thing to do but you should learn to refuse and disagree on some issues assertively(aggression never works). You’ll receive a lot of emotional blackmail into doing something you’ve never liked but listen to your conscience and trust you gut. They’ll never fail you.
If you’re still feeling the brunt , talk it out with a person you trust. It could be a parent or an older sibling or an older cousin. Only when you open up, will you realize that there are people who actually care for you.

Friendships enable you to grow, not cliques.

While these steps cannot show results in a short period of time ,with patience and persistence, you’ll surely grow out of it. So, instead of focusing on what the clique was thinking/will think of you, remember Master Ogway’s words:

-Pooja C

Image credits: Google

How do I know if it’s just a phase or if it’s something serious?

Psychiatric diagnosis are not made on the basis of checklists – even though the checklists are very helpful

Depression and related mental health problems are complex and have multiple “causes”. This is important to understand before anyone is to answer the question of whether some is simply dejected due to the life events or is depressed as in ill. The current understand of depression and related mental health condition is that they are Bio-Psycho and Social in nature. This means that they have causes and effects in each of these three realms namely biological, psychological and social.

Let me explain this further with a few examples with depression as the core illness category. There are individuals who experience symptoms of depression such as continuous low mood that does not improve in any situation, crying spells, lack of interest in all activities, changes in sleep and appetite, energy levels and so on and so forth in the absence of any clear environmental precipitating event. Here we would consider a diagnosis of Depression (i.e. biological cause) if the symptoms cause sufficient dysfunction. Now on the flip side, persons with depression (whether life situation related/ biological) have a tendency to be more sedentary (or be less active overall compared to previously). This leads them to have a higher risk of developing certain lifestyle related disorders including elevated blood pressures, risk of cardiac disease and so on. Here the diagnosis has changed certain aspects of biology. There are similar effects and causes in the psychological and social realms.

A diagnosis of depression is made after understanding the context of the emergence of symptoms, the symptoms themselves and the degree of impairment in functioning afforded by the symptoms.

Now, how do we integrate this knowledge with what we already know. The first thing is that psychiatric diagnosis are not made on the basis of checklists (even though the checklists are very helpful). A diagnosis of depression is made after understanding the context of the emergence of symptoms, the symptoms themselves and the degree of impairment in functioning afforded by the symptoms.

Impairment is the core of what psychiatry would aim to reduce.

What is this impairment? Of the many definitions available, the easiest to use is that impairment is the difficulty that mediates the long term outcome related to the illness. Basically what does this illness do that prevents the person fulfill his/ her role. In order to reduce the impairment (again which is Bio-Psycho-Social in nature), treating the underlying symptoms will be essential in a biological, psychological and social fashion.

So, the long and short of it would be that the degree of dysfunction/ impairment, in the context of the presence/ absence of sufficient number of symptoms while keeping in mind the context in which the symptoms emerge determine whether a label of depression is applied to a person or not.

Finally the person who is suffering does not care about whether they have a label or not, all that they care about is not suffering as much – whatever the person who is willing to help can do.

-Dr. Shiva Prakash

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Story of my Life

I’m tired of standing on the outside
Watching everyone smile around me
Their casual conversations and laughter
Draw me in as I stare longingly
Leaning on that impenetrable transparent barrier
Wishing I could fall in place too.

I’m sick of being a fucking third wheel
Unnecessary, uncalled for, useless
I know I shouldn’t impose but
Sometimes I can’t help myself for
Even the most solitary of us need some human interaction
And so I try to be a part of it
But I always end awkward in a corner
Listening but unheard; present but unnoticed.

I hate it when I’m pushed away
Especially by the ones I consider my friends;
I’ve been betrayed and frozen out in the past as well
And each time I overcome and trust again
I am set aside once more
Leaving me harder and wound up tighter than before.

I promise myself that I will not bow or bend
That I will be as strong as stone
But that which does not bend
Will be brittle, and who knows
Whether the next hammer blow
Will break me, leaving me in shards.

I am only human after all
But maybe I act too well.
When I say I’m fine despite being a mess
No one understands; or simply, no one cares.

I should learn how to cauterize these open slashes.
I need to know how to be satisfied alone
I have to prevent trust or love from growing in me
Because all that gives me is a vulnerability
One which I cannot afford
For more of this will leave me a shattered wreck.

I close my eyes, shut my ears.
Curled up under a blanket in the dark
My trembling unknown, my tears unseen
As I put myself together as best as I can.

Then I pick up my carefully taped together heart
And hand it to you so you can destroy me again
Because I’m just a lonely idiot who keeps hoping
That one day you won’t.

-Kaavya Karthikeyan

Photo Credits: Quotesgram

Age Groups Vulnerable to Depression?

Depression is a common problem throughout an individual’s lifespan. Statistics suggest that about one in 20 individuals would have suffered depression at some point of time in their life. But this data is not representative of all individuals. There are some common risk factors that increase the risk of having depression. One of the most common risk factors is experiencing interpersonal violence in any form. This may be

physical and emotional abuse and neglect in childhood,
bullying during school ,
social ostracism in teenage and college,
domestic and workplace related violence of any sort in middle and older adulthood.

Other common risk factors include academic difficulties, physical illnesses, loss of significant relationships, financial difficulties, family history of depression and social isolation.

Typically, people in the age group of 40-60 years have the highest rates of depression possibly due to accumulation of stress over their lifespan. The risk of attempting suicide is higher in teenagers and young adults especially in situations of acute crisis while the risk of committing suicide is much higher in the elderly.

Over 60% of the calls to suicide help hotlines are made by people in the age group of 35-54

Therefore, rather than asking if certain age groups are predisposed to depression, it would be more helpful to think in terms of “Are certain groups of individuals facing various life events more likely to develop depression?” An important thing to keep in mind is that all these are risk factors and not causative for depression. Ideally this information should be used in the context of helping individuals in various life situations that may predispose them to depression.

Once again, it is important to realize that not all those who face the situations mentioned above suffer depression. Also not all those who suffer depression face these issues.

The most important thing to remember is to try and have a non-judgmental outlook and to offer our support to those going through a tough time.

-Dr.Shiva Prakash

Image Credits: Google

Fighting Dementors: Producing your own Patronus

“The Patronus is a kind of positive force, a projection of the very things that the dementors feed upon – hope, happiness, the desire to survive – but it cannot feel despair as real humans can, so the dementors can’t hurt it. ”

Many a time in my life, I had wished I could conjure a patronus to help me drive away the despair and the dejection I have felt. As I begin to write this article, I was asking myself how I would define depression. Where does it start? How does it even begin? I wrack my brains to come up with something that is accurate and exact. But, I guess there isn’t any. How do you define depression? Is it that feeling of emptiness where you think you stand for nothing, you would amount to nothing and will never get what you want? Is it that despair you feel when you’ve just had your dreams crushed, when you have lost hope and your life becomes meaningless? Is it that guilt you feel when you try to analyze what you’ve done wrong over and over, and try to assign what you feel as just punishment to your crimes?

Depression is like an all-pervading layer of grime that you have got on your body after you’ve just walked past that dusty lane. You don’t know how, when and where it began. You crave for acceptance, you look to the universe for answers, almost always drawing a blank.

Depression is like an all-pervading layer of grime that you have got on your body after you’ve just walked past that dusty lane. You don’t know how, when and where it began. All you notice is, in a matter of time, you feel dejected, lonely, enervated and start thinking that your dreams will be crushed and that carrying on with life serves no purpose. You never know how your day turned from being a normal, casual walk on the lane to an endless pit of horror and torture. You wind back up wherever you are – doing nothing, tears almost on the edge of eyes, loneliness killing you. You crave for acceptance, you look to the universe for answers, almost always drawing a blank.

So, how did I fight/ how am I fighting/ how will I fight the dementors, our own mind monsters? What is my secret to producing my patronus? How do you feel all-right when you’re feeling exactly the opposite? I have heard a lot of people say, “Happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy”. I don’t agree. Choosing happiness honestly does not make any kind of sense to me. How can you choose to be happy when every inch of your cerebral power is telling you you’ll never be okay again? How do you lie to yourselves saying “Things are going to be okay” when you’ve just had a catastrophe?

A lot of people recommend doing what you like very much. Yes, watching your favorite TV series, eating chocolate, listening to your favorite music (I have seen a lot of people suggest “Fix you”), all these help, but I consider them postponements, not solutions. They help you merely move your state – a state that you have no words to describe – not solve it. Yes, I’ve indulged in the aforementioned things, they just helped me get away momentarily, never completely solving the problem.

Ignore your dejection which is staring at you like a big, black monster and carry on with your tasks. It is going to be arduous, but don’t give up hope.

I don’t claim to have solved my problems yet, but my method to conjure up my patronus is holding productivity to be my goal. Productivity helps in getting things done. I get it when you say, “What are you talking about? All I want to do is curl up like a ball and sleep or just stare blankly at nothing”. I’ve had the same feelings. I evolved through a heartbreak and am currently in the pursuit of happiness, so I know what’s going on in your head. Yes, it’s going to be excruciatingly painful to even try and do something that is seemingly mundane, but try by all means. Try to talk to people. Sometimes, loneliness just increases hopelessness and talking to the right person might help. But, I can understand if you don’t want to do that. That works only when the philosophy of the person whom you’re talking to is aligned with yours.

Select a goal. Go for small wins. Try to take simple steps. In my case, something as simple as getting out to buy groceries and making myself a simple lunch, gave me a huge morale boost. Break down your next simple task into a number of its constituents. If you want to get out, break it down as getting up from your chair, checking to see if your house is okay to be locked up, opening and locking the door, climbing down the stairs and reaching your destination. Concentrate on the most immediate task. I know, ignoring your dejection which is staring at you like a big, black monster and carrying on with your tasks is going to be arduous, but don’t give up hope and concentrate.

This is the one way I know to conjure up a patronus to beat dementors. It generally works and in due course, you’ll have a discovered a lot more about yourselves. If you feel it’s chronic, or ever feel suicidal, do not hesitate to take professional help. The light at the end of the tunnel is not too far away, all it takes is some more effort to reach. It’s again going to be hard when it feels you’ve given everything you can and every task will seem Himalayan, but don’t stop.

I dream of a day when mental illness will be treated as common as a flu or a headache. As Elizabeth Wurtzel says in Prozac Nation, “That is all I ever want, all this pain to seem purposeful.”

The dementors can be fought, so despair not. Gather all your hope together, wave your wands and say with me, “Expecto Patronum.”

-Nandha Kishore