The world can seem to be really cruel sometimes. Nothing might go your way and the things and circumstances that we experience might make us believe that nothing good will ever cross our paths again. Discussing openly about the demons that we fight takes a lot of courage and vulnerability and it is a hard thing to do. However, sharing the pain would ultimately sought to only do more good to us. Awareness about various mental health issues is also a need of the hour and a key aspect of exploring mental health issues and its reach is through media. There is absolutely no doubt that media has the biggest influence and reach today. Everything from entertainment to information is at the click of a button and with it comes the problem of regulation. With regards to mental health issues, there is a slow rise in shows and movies that explore them yet there is always the question of if they are being portrayed the right way. A lot of thought and delicacy has to be put into making these shows and movies that will ultimately be shown to a large audience. Responsibility must be taken by those who write the script so that the issues sought to break the taboo of talking about mental health and breaking the stigma surrounding it rather than just using them as a commercial marketing gimmick. So this week leading up to the Suicide Prevention Day on September 10th, we hope to explore some of the aspects of modern pop culture that have portrayed mental health issues. Some of the content might contain Trigger Warnings so please be aware of them. Do take the time to read through them and let us know of your own thoughts on how and if modern pop culture does its job of dealing with mental health issues well.
If you want to change your actions, you have to change your thoughts. If you want to change your thoughts, then you have to change the way you perceive yourself. If you want to change your perception about yourself, you must change the experience.
Yes, an experience with your true self.
Often, we approach fixing problems like developing an algorithm. An algorithm has a few major components – the inputs, the processing logic/storage and the output. Quite frankly, that is analogous to how our mind works. It observes the actions, words and emotions of others in our environment, stores it in the database called the subconscious and we somehow adapt to these actions, thoughts, emotions without even realizing we are doing it.
But, often what we consider self-awareness is more of what we are NOT than what we really are. We tell ourselves things based on comparison with other people. After every task you complete, your mind automatically compares the same kind of task done by someone else in a different manner, hence implying you didn’t do your best.
This never ending fight with your self-image, leaves no room for growth.
The reality is the polar opposite of what we tell ourselves. No matter how disgusting our delusions are, how negative we think of ourselves, how we judge ourselves, we are human. We have infinite potential, to pause, refresh, and resume. The three step process.
It’s a 3 step process!
Every single time a notification pings in your mind that reads ‘ YOU CAN’T DO THIS ‘ , PAUSE.
Instead of berating yourself that you cannot do it, switch to ” I DEFINITELY CAN DO THIS GREAT” condition yourself to the opposite of what your irrational thoughts are telling you. Thus, you are refreshing your negative self-talk.
Finally, resume doing whatever you were doing with a bit more self-compassion, and a lot of love.
Constantly feeling the need to do something, to be occupied with work is the fear driven trap, sometimes based on experiences of previous trauma. Our mind uses it as an escape mechanism to avoid dealing with inconvenient emotions.
Let’s do this affirmation, pause for a moment. And think of this beautiful word that the internet came up with, called “Sonder”. It’s not an actual word in the English dictionary, though “The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows”, the website that created it, defines it as the realization that each random passer-by is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.
We share our world with 7.7 billion others like that. People lose their loved ones, their dream, their homes, sometimes themselves and yet wake up the next morning and hustle. Some grieve about it for days and heal in isolation, Some grieve by destroying things, while some heal by creating new.
Each of us are finding ways to be happier, to seize the moment as it is, to love, to be loved.
We’re all so strong, even on the days when we feel like choking on sadness,
On the days we feel heavy, on the days we feel the void inside us, on the days we don’t feel like moving.
Why? Because we find a way – we keep going. No matter how many times we’ve told ourselves to give up. In reality we don’t really lose, we don’t really fail, we don’t actually give up.
We’re always told we will be where we want to be with whom we’re meant to be. But we are there right now, where we belong.
It warms my heart to know, to be around each and every one of you. You are so strong and you don’t even know that yet. Also, did I tell you that you did your best this week?
And it’s okay even if you do 0.001% more the upcoming week.
Everybody daydreams. Whether it be out of boredom or excess creativity, we all have times where we space out and makeup scenarios and situations inside of our heads, controlling details and plots in vivid detail. But what if the daydreaming starts taking over and controlling us?
Maladaptive daydreaming is a relatively recently discovered mental health condition that fits the bill. Yes, you read it right. As the name suggests, MD, as it is generally abbreviated, is a condition wherein daydreaming becomes an obsessive and compulsive action that spans for hours together and interferes with daily life activities instead of acting as a creative outlet to boredom. The condition has yet to officially be recognized as a disorder but there are multiple studies that take a look at MD from different perspectives, some pointing it to be a form of behavioural addiction.
The concept of Maladaptive daydreaming was brought to light to the research community by Prof. Eli Somer. He defined MD as an ‘‘extensive fantasy activity that replaces human interaction and/or interferes with academic, interpersonal, or vocational functioning”. A quick google search will show a lot of forums and medical journals discussing this relatively newly discovered condition. To quickly sum up, the most commonly experienced symptoms of MD include but are not limited to
highly vivid and immersive daydreams
abnormally long daydreams that are hard to escape
an inability to carry out daily tasks
daydreams triggered by external events or stimuli, such as watching a film or listening to music
sleep disruption and insomnia
repetitive and unconscious movements when daydreaming, such as rocking back and forth or twitching
[Source: Medicalnewstoday]
These are only common and apparent symptoms, and they can vary widely from person to person. Since this is a relatively new addition to the world of mental health and a lot of research is still ongoing, not a lot of credible and solid data is currently available to us.
Now, taking a bit of a deeper look into the research available to us, with some of the work done by Prof. Somer, there appears to be some common MD elements between the participants in the research.
One would be that there seemed to be an underlying current of childhood trauma that served as the biggest trigger for the onset of MD.
Second, the dynamics of MD heavily involved repeated movements, whether it be pacing around while daydreaming or throwing and catching objects — participants stated that there was some form of movement involved while daydreaming.
Third, MD served as an outlet for participants to realize their fantasies and idealized selves that do not reflect in their realities and everyday lives — Power, Control and Perfection were some common themes that governed the daydreams of the participants. Being someone in positions of high power, being someone everyone loved, being someone who rescues other people seemed to be common versions of participants’ daydream-selves.
However, just these observations cannot serve as a complete look into MD since the symptoms of MD also heavily overlap with those of other mental health disorders as well. Many who experience MD may also experience ADHD, Depression, Disassociative disorder, OCD, Anxiety disorders and other disorders. Again, there is no concrete link between MD and other disorders but these are observations to be kept in mind as well.
So, with gaps in solid research, the best possible resources to look to at the moment would be forums run by people who are experiencing MD. Taking a look at these forums, it becomes clear that a lot of people all over the world have taken solace in knowing that they are not alone in experiencing things that they thought were exclusive to them. Many people in forums on the internet share their experiences wherein they state that they never truly realized that constantly daydreaming up to half of your day away wasn’t something that everyone did or experienced. When we look into what could trigger these daydreams on the daily, a lot of people mentioned music and films to be big triggers. They also shared that experiencing these highly vivid and compulsive daydreams also affected their social, academic and professional lives.
This could very well be the first time that you are coming across MD. This short article is only to serve as a note of information on this particular mental health condition so that you, as a reader, can take a deeper look into it, understand and gain awareness. To those who might feel like they relate to this particular article, it can be confusing to distinguish what the limit to a normal amount of daydreaming is and if this is a problem worth addressing at all. However, if you feel that your daydreaming is taking over your life and you aren’t able to fully control it, looking for professional help to properly diagnose the condition is the best option.
It is up to us to create awareness about lesser-known mental health issues so that we as a community can help people who feel like they might be the only ones suffering and battling their condition.
References and resources:
[1] Maladaptive daydreaming: Evidence for an under-researched mental health disorder by Jayne Bigelsen, Jonathan M. Lehrfeld, Daniela S. Jopp, Eli Somer, Consciousness and Cognition 42 (2016) 254–266.
[2] Somer, E. Maladaptive Daydreaming: A Qualitative Inquiry. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy32, 197–212 (2002).
[3] https://wildminds.ning.com/ is a place that has a very active forum dedicated to Maladaptive daydreaming.
Life after depression is a silent revolution that takes place within a person. It is so pleasing to watch a life ahead of the darkness, you’ll enjoy the good days, learn from the bad ones. Be a part of important occasions, being available for sharing, being physically and mentally present, looking forward to the future and loving what the universe is preparing for you, Looking in the mirror and like what is seen there.
The core of mental well being is striking a balance of emotions. We’ve discussed how depression is an illness that makes your brain sick. The symptoms, the journey, than survival.
What happens next?
Every illness is considered to be negative, frowned upon as it affects the normalcy of the functioning of the human body. The difference between the illness of mind and the illness of the body is that it affects us in a completely different perspective. Physical illness gets rid of toxins from your body once in for all. Or after a series of medicinal attention. While mental illness opens a door to self-awareness. It forces you to learn a lesson, take a chance, try new things out of your comfort zone. It teaches us a lot. Although it takes an awful lot of you and replaces it with something much more bigger and different, what happens when the depression finally does leave you? What happens when you finally heal? What does it feel like to find the light at the end of the tunnel?
Well, all of these questions are hypothetical in nature. You are never ‘healed’ from mental illness. However, things start to get clarity, people suddenly become approachable. Someday, you’ll wake up and just feel better. You’d want to look good, wear new clothes. The days after depression are extremely odd. After living in a mindset of ”I don’t deserve anything I have and I want” for a very long period, this will make us doubt ourselves, the self-doubting again lands us in the vicious cycle of ‘Am I good enough for this yet? ‘
And for a split second, it’ll feel like you’re spiralling back into the person you used to be during the depression. Here’s the thing about recovery, you’re never fully healed. It never truly leaves you. The way things feel will change, they will become more optimistic and open for learning.
Fear turns into ‘things I can get better at if I practice more’. Insecurities change into ‘Yes, I look this way and I can control over it to an extent by eating healthy, keeping myself hydrated.’ Self-doubt turns into ‘I was able to get myself through something as exhausting as depression, I can handle this too’. Frustration and disappointment will turn into ‘I can do this one step at a time.’
The process of healing, as a matter of fact, is not linear. The ups and downs are sometimes extreme. The extremes will make you want to lock yourself in your bedroom for a day or more in order to avoid social interaction, Mental breakdowns in a random sequence that don’t really have a prerequisite reason or purpose. The balance of emotions plays a vital role here. On some days, you’ll feel numb.
It’ll drag you down to a point where you’ll feel like you’re back to square one, but this is the exact same moment you need to understand that looking back only means you’ve come ahead. Let’s not worry now.
There’s hope, there are new beginnings awaiting. And it’s your time now.
“Depression resembles a vampire”. The statement sliced through the cacophony of noises clouding my consciousness and conquered my attention. Like a beagle who had just got a sniff of a bone, my eyes lit up and darted across the room towards my best friend of many years, imploring her to explain what she meant by the statement. “I feel depression sucks hope and happiness from its victims just like a vampire would suck blood”, she continued. The people around, myself included shared their thoughts on the comparison but the conversation soon moved on to other topics. Somehow, the comparison she made stuck in my mind and my attempt at writing this is an effort at crystallizing my thoughts as to why I found the particular analogy interesting.
Vampires, ghosts, werewolves and other paranormal beings appear in the folklore of many cultures across the globe and are a part of our collective social conscience. Despite modern advances in science and education, belief in the supernatural remains as strong as ever with many surveys showing that a majority of people profess belief in some form of the supernatural. Many theories abound as to how and why humans as a species tend (and want?) to believe in monsters. One interesting viewpoint is that these beliefs are an irrational response to legitimate fears that imbibed in our ancestors a cultural aversion to places and situations which represented a real danger. For example, it is very likely that large aspects of the legends of monsters which roamed forests at night evolved as a result of early human’s fear of nocturnal predators. But as time passed, the creative wonder that is our minds concocted increasingly eerie and frightening versions of these myths and legends. As with every strong cultural belief that has stood the test of time, it involves a combination of fear and hope. While the “fear” aspect of the supernatural legends needs no explaining, the “hope” aspect is in the form of methods that true-believers could use to dispel these monsters. Some examples included garlic being used to ward off vampires. In fact, one object, in particular, has been so widely used in legends as a defence against the paranormal that it is used to denote a specific, failsafe solution to a problem – the silver bullet. In folklore, a bullet cast from silver is often the only weapon that is effective against a werewolf, witch, or other monsters.
With these facts in mind, my friend’s comparison of a mental health issue to a supernatural entity becomes more credible in my opinion. One of the major impediments to mental illness is denial. Just as people choose to ignore the mountains of evidence against the supernatural since it challenges their deep-set beliefs, very often people dealing with issues of the mind refuse to acknowledge that they need help. Similarly like the monsters of legends, paranoia and insecurity are just irrational reactions to legitimate grievances that we do not wish to acknowledge. However, the one similarity that I find most striking and the one that this article is going to largely deal with is the belief that there exists a silver bullet – a magic cure.
From my own experience, while I refused to actively seek out help from people in dealing with my depression, I clung to this fairy tale idea of a silver bullet – one single incident, person, belief or action that would help me overcome my inner demons. At my most desperate moments, my search for the silver bullet became an obsession. This obsession for immediate, painless redemption latched itself into anything that my mind could interact with. Family, friends, God, self-help books, that award that I always wanted to win, that dream job – the list went on. Like a chain smoker who convinced himself that he would quit the next day, my transformational healing was just around the corner. “If only I won the competition, I would gain my confidence and people would befriend me. “, “I just need to pray hard enough and one day, I ll awaken enlightened”, “If only I loved my friends, they would rescue me from my insecurities”. These were the thoughts that fuelled my paranoia as I spiralled further into the depths of anxiety and depression as each and every entity that I thought would redeem me did not. My blind belief in an external agency that would save me only further alienated me from the ones I cared about. My obsessive need for reassurance that they would pull me out spurned irrational thoughts of insecurity and fear which played havoc with the way I dealt with people.
Perhaps the most enlightening realization that I have had over the past year when I finally decided to reach out and seek professional help is that there is no silver bullet. My belief that one person, thing or event could single-handedly provide me with a new breath of life was badly misplaced. It turned out that defeating with depression wasn’t a quick, painless glorious moment as I had envisioned but instead a long-winding, sometimes messy affair which required commitment from my side and determination to face my darkest fears myself. And while it might seem counter-intuitive at first, the realization that my redemption did not lay in a single object was immensely liberating. I was able to be much more rational and level headed in my relationships with people and my expectations about events. It helped greatly with dealing with my anxiety and identifying and observing irrational thought patterns and I can confidently say that I have become a much happier person than I have been in a long while.
Looking back, I can see why I wanted to believe in a silver bullet. It took responsibility and agency for dealing with my issues away from me and helped me live a life of denial and self-hate. Perhaps, it also tied into the fantasy novels that I read which fed into the idea of war being won with one masterstroke or by a legendary hero. Who wouldn’t have been awestruck by the thundering roar of the brave cavalry galloping into the battlefield, trumpets and all as they swoop in to smash the armies of the bad guys to smithereens? It makes for great literature and gripping movies but does not translate well on a real battlefield. The wars in our world are won by engaging in long winding pitched battles, using strategic retreats and by soldiers fighting on in smelly trenches winning territory in agonizingly slow increments. It might not be glamorous but that’s just the way life is.
I would like to end with this quote:
“’Don’t ask for guarantees. And don’t look to be saved in any one thing, person, machine, or library. Do your own bit of saving, and if you drown, at least die knowing you were heading for the shore.”
Ray Bradbury
When it comes to mental illness, the silver bullet may paradoxically be the realization that there isn’t one. I have stopped my quest for the silver bullet, have you?
There are some days when I don’t see the point in anything I do.
Some days where I still feel the tired drag of my bones and the slow yet constant thump of my heart and I know that it’s going to be “one of those days”. And that’s alright. I’ve learnt how to cope with them. To learn to ask for help and seek support and take it easy till I feel better. And on those days I think, is there really anyone else going through what I’m going through right now, right this instant? I mean through all the 7 billion people of this small planet, there has to be someone who feels the exact same way I do. Right?
Humans have always thrived in being part of something bigger than themselves, in being a community. Whether it came in the form of religion or political views or just something as simple as living with the same area code, we’ve always longed to be a part of something. And that sense of community with no doubt makes us stronger.
The same, I think, is true for mental health as well. A word of encouragement always sounds better coming from a person who has been through the same thing once as you are right now because you know that they truly understand. And to be very honest, don’t we all want someone like that for us?
It is not easy to put yourself out there and be vulnerable to everyone and be open to talk about your mental health issues. It took me the longest time to accept that it was okay to talk about it, that there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. And talking about it to confused faces that would not take the time to understand at first was embarrassing and terrifying. And I didn’t do it for a while and kept it to myself like I always did. But then when I pushed myself to take that chance again, one day, one of those confused faces actually turned out to completely understand. They shared their experience with me and was so relieved to know that they weren’t alone in feeling that way.
[Image source: Pinterest]
And that made it all worth it.
Now I don’t feel terrified nor do I feel embarrassed for letting me run my mouth about issues when no one understands them. Because I know what it feels to long to belong. To finally feel like you are not alone. To finally know that this is okay and that there is nothing wrong with you and that you shouldn’t feel ashamed of yourself.
[Image source: Pinterest]
So, this goes out to you as well, the one reading this. If you feel that anything you say could help another person, then do it. I know it seems terrifying but even if one other person feel a little less left alone, then it will all be worth it.
Everyone longs a little to belong. And together we are always stronger.
Fast moving world, this is how I picture it in my head. The busy streets of New York, hundreds of people walking past the Times Square with caffeine in one hand and their mobiles on other. Nobody knows where the person right next to them is headed to, they walk together in total sync for minutes and then turn to their own directions and part ways. Nobody has the time to pause, to reflect. Sometimes it is scary to realise that every passing second of your life is the first and the last time of its occurrence in this version of reality, in this lifetime. Waking up every day, there is always a routine of activities ahead of us that we do throughout the entire day. School, college, work, home anywhere we go the schedule holds us hostage.
At the end of the day there is very little time left for ourselves. So, every dawn a voice deep down inside of you encourages you to do better today than yesterday. This voice is unique for everyone. One day it says be kind to others, the next day it says be kind to yourself.
It’s bitter sweet that we don’t live alone in this world. There are people, many people around you. Some make it easier for your voice, while some seem very hard to understand. And it’s natural for us to judge them. If you’re lucky, you’re right a couple of times but you know-Maybe the girl with the “social butterfly” status, who is currently with her 6th boyfriend whom you call a ‘slut’ misses the one true love that happened to her, her first love. Maybe the boy who doesn’t know how to talk to girls and is always with his books needs an 85% to continue his studies with a scholarship to support his widowed sick mother. Maybe the girl who starves in the name of dieting for the so-called ‘boy attention’ has an eating disorder that doesn’t help her gain weight but saves herself pizza every weekend. Maybe the guy who doesn’t hang out with the “Stud-gang” is suffering from stage 3 lung cancer, so he rather stays home writing the novel he always wanted to finish. Maybe the boy who broke up with every girl he was ever with had a mother who left him for another man when he was just 4. You know, just maybe.
Our job isn’t to fix anyone around us. Every person you meet has a different perception of you, you are bad in someone’s stories and good in others. Somehow we equate our self worth to others perception of yourself and thrive to make it perfect without accepting the fact that it is going to change anyway.
Self-worth is not your list of achievements, in many dysfunctional families there are comparisons of the siblings involved, one might be smart while the other might be smart in a completely different sense. Pointing people out for their flaws isn’t going to help “change” them and we ought to realise this.
We often think we need to take ‘breaks’ or ‘pause’ or ‘unplug’ only if a very tight and serious schedule was a prerequisite. I mean it is not entirely our fault, we assume our self worth to be equivalent our productivity level and our list of achievements. So, I’m here to tell you. It might sound hideous to a regular person about why anyone would deserve a break if they didn’t work hard enough but a depressed person, takes their entire energy to wake up from his bed and is left with nothing for the whole day.
Mental breaks are essential. Necessary to reboot yourself, cleanse your system, do relearning of your patterns. A few ways to do this creating something from the learning. People resort to painting, drawing, craft making, writing and journaling, creating music, cooking, exercise and more. Always find something that makes you forget the world for a minute and do it with love every time you feel the need to do it.
“You have social anxiety? No way! You just spoke on stage, stop complaining”
“Yeah right, you aren’t an introvert. You aren’t shy and you’re talking to me well right now aren’t you?”
Well, count these as the most common responses I’ve gotten when I tell people that yes, I do indeed suffer from anxiety and yes, I also realise that I spoke on stage right now. Those two aren’t mutually exclusive.
[Image source: Tumblr]
A lot of our perspectives on mental health issues are drawn from what we see on social media. Films that are seeming to include more characters that cover the spectrum of mental health still have a long way to go when it comes to covering them practically. And the rise of internet “slangs” aren’t helping the situation. You see, mental health is not just one thing. Depression is not just “feeling sad” all the time. Not everyone who has depression fit the “symptoms” of depression. There are many who can function normally, still be social but still suffer from overwhelming depression. Same goes for any other mental health issues there are. Personally, the biggest problem that I’ve faced has come in the form of “boxes”.
Allow me to digress for a bit. Everyone you meet is different. They have different personalities and different tastes in music and movies and hobbies. And the same goes for their mental health as well. Ask people you know who are overcoming mental health issues and you will find that none of their experiences is similar even though they might have been diagnosed with the same issue. It is ignorant of us to assume that everyone deals with their issues the same way or goes through the same thing. And with people lacking this awareness, there arise situations in which people assume it is okay to make generalisations and comments, essentially stereotyping mental health into set “boxes”.
I deal with anxiety and am not an overly social person. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have any friends or that I’m shy. I just take some time to talk to people I’ve just met and if I’m with my friends while meeting the new person then I feel so much better and at ease talking to the person for the first time. A lot of people who might be going through the same social anxiety that I am can be shy and just not talk or can be extremely social yet still feel overwhelmed and nervous inside. But all that people see is that I am a competitive stage speaker and hence, I am suddenly not allowed to feel that anxiety pumping through my veins every time I come onto the stage to speak. I realise that feeling stage fright and nervousness are common to everyone but feeling extremely overwhelmed yet pushing yourself to speak through the knots in your stomach is not. But even though the anxiety is overwhelming, I still love to speak on stage. And I refuse to be boxed away for that.
[Image source: Tumblr]
Everyone you know is going through something that might not fit your assumptions. Chrissy Teigen and Adele openly spoke up about post-partum depression while under the public’s eye and we did not know that they had gone through that until they told us. Jennifer Lawrence is one of the most charismatic people in interviews but has openly stated that she suffered from severe anxiety. A lot more examples can be drawn to make this point but at the end of it all, the only thing that matters is that people turn a little bit more understanding when it comes to how mental health issues manifest themselves.
[Image source: Pinterest]
If someone tells you that they’re going through something, listen to them. Please do not make generalisations and make them think that their feelings are invalid. The world is a very kind and welcoming place and a little bit of awareness with these issues is all one will need to help a thousand more. Let us not box away mental illnesses or file them away under certain tabs. These issues are complex and we can all do our bit to spread information and awareness.
I want to kill myself is pretty much the response to every slightest inconvenience that happens in a day of the life of the current generation. Talking about Mental Health to parents is still an ‘awkward’ topic for discussion and very few people attempt to even take a chance to start a dialogue about it with their parents. So, that leaves people with only a few options when it comes to looking into and searching about mental health issues, and at the top of it is social media.
The wide social media presence of today is not a joke. Social media platforms act as tools to get to know a person’s life; their likes and dislikes, their opinions on every issue, where they are and what they’re up to at the moment. And amongst all these bombardments of information on social media platforms about friends, family, celebrities and events, over the years, the awareness with regards to mental health has also increased but has managed to give room to a lot of myths and misconceptions.
The worst of everything is that nowadays, the idea of romanticising depression, anxiety and other mental health issues is trending.
How? As humans feeling of belongingness is one of our primary needs, it is always better to be in the company of people who feel the same way as we do, to connect. But, here’s the thing. Are we sharing the stigma?
We are finding an increasing amount of content on social media, of normalising mental health issues to the point where these issues have become “slangs” and everyday words to express dramatic exasperations. And the result, the slowly accrued seriousness and awareness built up on mental health issues shatter in a second to being viewed as something normal and unimportant.
We all know how important and powerful stories can be. Millions of people have found their sense of belonging and community by sharing their stories with the world, stories that others can relate to, stories that others can connect with. So, it is very important to realise that there are many who are battling mental health issues and are struggling to cope up with it and the things we carelessly put out there on social media for the world to see, can affect those who are genuinely suffering.
Even in films, the supposedly “depressed” and “brooding” character is looked at as being mysterious and attractive as their romantic interest swoop in as cheerful and oblivious people who then go on to “mend” and “fix” the said “brooding” person’s heart as they then ride into the sunset. People do not seem to realise the issue with these stories and films and content. It will only serve to silence those who are actually suffering from mental health issues as they can begin to downplay their suffering and start viewing themselves as being dramatic or worse, silence themselves because others might not take them seriously. It can begin to form a vicious mentality that mental health issues are “normal” and not something to seek help for to feel better and that these issues somehow will make them “special” to stand apart from others.
Suffering from mental health issues is not a joke and is not attractive.
It’s planning for your best friend’s surprise birthday party for a week and not wanting to leave your bed on that day. It’s in the gloomy weather when you thought you’d feel peaceful if you travelled alone away from the crowd, but end up sobbing in front of strangers solemnly because they’ll never know or ask you what your problem is. It’s when someone compliments you, tells you that you look pretty, but how you find every flaw in your body each day before you step out of your house. It’s a beautiful family dinner with all your loved ones sharing jokes, revisiting the memories, escaping busy, restless lives and just once, just once the memory of you before depression flashes and how you silently feel your heart sinking amongst the laughter, controlling your tears. It’s when you find someone you really admire, but secretly punish yourself because you know you’ll not be good enough and doubt they’ll also leave. It’s about how you tell yourself each day it’ll get better because it always does, but slowly get exhausted because of how awfully long it is. It’s the disappointment that shakes your world and opens a door of gazillion questions asking if you were ever good enough. It’s always about needing a mask but never wanting to wear it again.
I’m not trying to underestimate or belittle anyone’s feelings or experience BUT it’s very important for us to understand the level of intensity about the words you’re referring to.
1) Feeling anxious does not mean you have anxiety.
2) Feeling sad, low, dull does not mean you’re suffering from depression.
3) Not wanting to hang out with people, initiate a conversation with friends, enjoying social situations does not mean it’s social anxiety.
4) Panicking or feeling nervous does not mean you’re having a panic attack.
If you feel like you might be genuinely suffering, please do not hesitate to reach out for help and consult a professional to diagnose the condition and get better. But if not, then please do your bit to raise awareness about these issues using your social media platforms but most importantly, do your bit to stop the romanticization of mental health issues.
Trigger warning: skin peeling, mentions of self-harm, nightmares and grief
Think about this for a solid minute.
“You’re 16. What problems you’d possibly have to suffer depression?” ” You are simply over thinking” “You’ll get over it” “There’s no such thing as depression, it’s just a phase”.
Sound familiar?
You see, depression is a very personal feeling. I might be sitting right next to you, joking around about the memes you’ve shared with me or having a very deep conversation about life and the purpose of it or maybe just sitting there, hanging out with you and yet, you will have no idea of the things that go on inside my head.
For almost a year, I slept only around 3 AM. And even then, I would experience nightmares where this soul of mine would be pleading, crying my name out really loud in the darkness; most of the times in the middle thick dark woods. Walking with my friends in school, I’d feel like someone was choking me, trying to push me down and drown me. I used to hysterically cry and begin to laugh very loudly just like a baby, locking myself in my room. I’d cry all night, not knowing why.
This became worse when one night I became downright delirious, trying to make the pain go away, trying to hurt myself while also rubbing my chest to calm myself down. Physically, I had developed so much acne, a very irregular menstrual cycle and a weak immune system. And yes, I even periodically suffered strokes. I’d bite my lips, nails, keep peeling my skin.
What made me such a monster in my own eyes?
[Image source: Gemma Correll]
I’d say the fear of losing my identity that involves this image that I’ve built for myself. We are not perfect and we will never be. All of us have our own flaws and we learn and grow through our experiences in this journey of life. And it is necessary to go through these experiences in order to learn from them. But never be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
We all are very familiar with motivational quotes, “This too shall pass” “Love yourself” “I’m proud of you” do the rounds on social media all the time. But just saying them out loud isn’t enough. Start small, get help if you feel like you can’t make through this journey of acceptance alone. For me, the fact that I wake up ALIVE every morning, the fact that I’m able to still breathe and body is functioning, is something to be grateful for; granting me another day. The little things, the journey. I accepted.
After the longest time, I saw myself in the mirror and smiled for once.
The fact that I’ve been gifted time, ability to take another chance at people and perspectives made me understand that things will start working out, at least someday. Healing can NEVER happen overnight, it is a long road, it’s every single moment you live.
And slowly but surely, you will get better. In fact, it’ll be revolutionary when you wake up one day and can actually feel light enough to pull yourself out of your own bed. There will be struggles and relapses, but there will also be support and love and kindness.
Depression isn’t directly proportional to your age group. Depression doesn’t know numbers, doesn’t know care about your sexual orientation or your bank balance. Never ever feel shy to accept this, you’re no less of a human being you deserve to be equally loved.
YOU MATTER. There’s Absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of in acceptance.
